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We must avoid being uneducated free-loaders, sayeth Tyrese, while being sure to remain needy and helpless enough to be attractive to men like him.Tyrese’s “helpful” advice carries the condescension and arrogance typical of mansplaining, plus a dash of amorphous homophobia. No doubt, some ill-spoken repetition of the idea that gay black men harm black women’s marriage chances with their gayness. But here’s another thing Tyrese’s advice is: racist.Would Josh Duhamel, who appeared with Tyrese in Transformers, be getting many calls in Hollywood after, apropos of nothing, derailing an interview to to talk about how white women are too damned self-sufficient for their own good?
It is not just mainstream sources like ABC News that serve up “What’s wrong with black women? Black men like Steve Harvey, Tyrese and Jimi Izrael are getting in on the action. Can you imagine comedian Jeff Foxworthy holding on to his largely white audience after penning a book and taking to the airwaves telling white women how their faults are keeping them single?Nothing is more annoying than a guy who takes shortcuts.” She cites the following example: “Say I spend an entire paragraph talking about how one of my loves is spending time with my sister and rolling around with her two boys. ’ I’m like, ‘Can’t you even be bothered to read the whole profile? If the other person’s profile says, ‘I’m looking for long-term,’ and all you’re after is hooking up, give it a pass.’ Or, I’ll have stated that if you do any drugs at all—even pot—you and I will not be a match, yet I hear from guys who are clearly into partying.” Wendy’s cardinal rule for online dating is this: Don’t waste your own time and don’t waste other people’s time. Similarly, if you want something more serious, and all she’s into is random play, move on.” Next: Scaling it back [pagebreak] The problem for many younger guys when choosing appropriate potential partners, notes Wendy, are “the shiny factor” and “single focus self-involvement lenses.” The most frequent offenders, in her experience, are twenty-somethings just looking to hook up or find some instant gratification. “They see a tremendous rack in one of my pictures, and they’re mesmerized, and I get the IM or email.” (In fact, commenting on a woman’s physical attractiveness right off the bat can actually be a turn-off, according to Robinson, since it can be read as superficial.Wendy, a veteran online dater from the tri-state area concurs.“It sounds stupid and elementary,” she says, “but it shocks me how many guys—especially the ones in their 20s—don’t fully read the profile.
Girlfriends often tell similar apocryphal tales about the friend of a friend who nabbed a rich, hung sugar-daddy who saved them from a life of dishpan hands and lower-middle-class drudgery.